Ew. I. Hate. Bugs.

What. Is. It.Just looking at these pictures makes my skin crawl. Have I mentioned that I don't like bugs?

I found this ugly thing on my front porch this evening. There he was, belly up, with his legs and pincers (yes, pincers!) moving slowly. I think it was dying. Not sure. Hope so. Didn't want to get too close. I was about to water the porch plants, so I set the sprayer to the jet setting and blasted him off the porch. Only then did I consider taking a picture might have been easier on the cement of the porch than in the grass. He's on his side now. So gross.

What is it? How did it get here? Are there more? Should I call my bug guy? Will it attack Oliver?

Okay, I know that last one was a bit melodramatic, but seriously. I hope there aren't a bunch of these...things...somewhere in the house. We don't have big bugs like this. I have an exterminator who comes quarterly. He sprays for things like carpenter bees, carpenter ants, wasps, spiders, and other creepy-crawleys that plague old houses. But we don't have bugs. We are clean. Sure, there may be golden retriever hair in the the corners, and I may have let my dishes go for two or three days in the sink last week, but that's not enough to grow big, uglies like this bug.